Why Joking Around with Kids is Trifficult

Let’s kick this off with a joke. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A Gummy Bear. 

Now that you had a laugh because that joke is amazing, and probably an eye roll, I’m glad I have your attention. (You can keep that joke for yourself too!) 

I’m going to break this down into two age groups, younger kids and older kids. The ages will be 12 and under and 13 and older. I am doing this because developmentally, things change when we hit early adolescence and enter middle school. 

Joking is something that most of us want to engage in. We want to have fun, tell jokes, be sarcastic, and laugh. A good sense of humor is an admirable quality. But, what do we do when our child just isn’t getting it, or is getting their feelings hurt? 

As adults, we need to take a step back and evaluate the situation. Once you have assessed for appropriateness you can find a joke or engage in joking behavior that is age-appropriate. Important things to consider when joking around are: 

• The actual age of the child AND their developmental age - are they 10 but developmentally act a bit younger or older? 

• Their individual personality - are they more sensitive and quiet or are they outgoing and loud? 

• What is your relationship like with this child? Is this your child, a child you are close with, or a child you just met? 

• Have you joked around with this child before or will this be a new experience? 

Younger children will have a hard time understanding sarcasm as they are not yet able to pick up on the nuances of sarcastic comments. These nuances include changes in your tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions. Younger children have a hard time differentiating between a joke being a joke and not real versus it being real and taking it literally. For example, a younger child might take a “your mom” joke as that you are quite literally talking about their mother. This can be upsetting, confusing, distressing, and hurtful to the child. If you notice that they are showing distress or becoming upset please acknowledge this and stop joking around. You can then have a conversation with your child about what was upsetting to them and work toward finding jokes that are fun and enjoyable for everyone.

Older children may fully understand the concept of sarcasm and jokes, and probably toss a few back at you, which makes for a super fun joke volley. They often learn, through experience and positive interactions, how to joke around. You definitely still want to watch for cues and changes as you joke around, but older kids have more ability and capacity to recognize when a joke is a joke. This does not mean that every joke will land, but that’s even true with adults!

It’s easy to get carried away when we are having fun! Teaching our kids how to have a sense of humor comes with time, patience, practice, and positive interactions. Make sure that you check-in with your child as the joking continues, and as they get older to make sure that the jokes are still age-appropriate.

As a parting gift, I leave you with all my gratitude, support, and another joke!

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved!

In parenting solidarity, Ryanne